How to use hypnosis to improve relationships!
Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert, says in in her 1995 book ‘Toxic People’, that a toxic relationship as “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”
Who would want to be in a relationship like that? Not me for sure! And yet, many people seem to be stuck in relationships that are either going nowhere, or in a very bad direction.
At The Hypnosis Clinic, we see a lot of people who have bad relationships, with their partner, children, siblings, employers, you name it! Of course, sometimes it’s just a bad match or fit, occasionally, one person is in the wrong, and sometimes, people are just bad at relationships generally.
All is not lost! Being good at building relationships is like being good at anything else, it takes practice, perseverance, energy and enthusiasm.
What will I learn in this blog?
• That relationship require work and perseverance
• Some people are better communicators than others
• Looking at the cause of bad relationships is often useful
• How hypnosis could help you to enjoy better relationships
What are my credentials?
As a clinical hypnotherapist, I do a lot of work in helping people to be better communicators, with others and with themselves. I have no qualifications in counselling or life coaching, however, I have been wonderfully happily married for 25 years, and I think that counts for something!
I met my husband on the 12th of January 1996. We have lived all over the world in London, Sydney, Singapore and New York. He is the light of my life and my reason for being. I count myself as bring very fortunate and privileged to have him in my life.
In truth, over all the time we’ve been together, there hasn’t been one any word of serious argument. Of course, we disagree on small things like the volume of the TV or the temperature in the dining room for example, but nothing more. We simply agree. About everything.
People often ask about the secret of our successful relationship. Luck is certainly a part of that, we are kindred souls, but we do have certain practices that help us to roll along happily through life: we always put each other first, we talk about anything and everything, we give each other space, we are romantic, thoughtful and considerate to each other, and we have no secrets from each other at all. (With the obvious exceptions of birthdays and Christmas).
Why do relationships fail?
Awesome blogger, Calvin Rosser, says there are 3 prime reasons why romantic relationships fail, non-acceptance, lack of trust and poor communication.
Non-Acceptance
None of us are perfect and we are bound to find that we have certain traits that irritate our partner and vice versa. Having differences is natural, it’s how you deal with them that matters, how you understand them, how you relate to them.
Let’s say that you enjoy healthy eating and exercise, whereas your partner prefers donuts and staying in bed all day on a Sunday. Over time this might frustrate you and you may even try to change them, by nagging about exercise and ‘forgetting’ to buy donuts at the supermarket. You don’t see this as an issue, as, to your mind, you’re helping them to lead a healthier lifestyle.
Over time this might make your partner angry and resentful. You may think you’re helping, but in fact you are projecting your healthy lifestyle views on him/her and that can lead to resentment.
When you don’t accept your partner, disaster follows. Because when you don’t accept someone, they will not trust or feel comfortable with you. They will feel attacked and resentful about your nonacceptance.
So instead of letting your frustration about your partner’s habits or beliefs lead to a “noble” pursuit to change them, first accept them and then decide what that means for your relationship. If health is one of your most important values and your partner does not value health in the same way, then you might decide that it’s time to move on and find someone who shares your beliefs about health.
Lack of Trust
Ernest Hemingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” That’s so true in relationships.
We have all been hurt when relationships fall apart, especially in our youth, however, learning to trust no-one so we don’t get hurt is no way to move forward.
If you struggle to trust your partner, especially when he or she hasn’t done anything to violate your trust, you need to identify the source of the mistrust. Often, lack of trust stems from our fear of being hurt, which can come from early childhood experiences. Regardless of the cause, it’s up to you to address the issue and trust your partner.
If you can’t comfortably leave your partner with the most attractive and interesting person on the planet, then you don’t trust them. And when you don’t trust them, you may find yourself doing all kinds of weird things, often unconsciously, that can sabotage your relationship.
Poor Communication
Whilst the first few halcyon months of your new relationship may run smoothly, there will eventually be bumps in the road, and that’s when good communication is vital to keep you on the right track.
If you are unable to communicate any frustrations you have effectively, you might start doing thing that make the problem worse, compounding the issues and leaving your partner feeling unsupported.
But if instead, you learn to communicate your emotions and beliefs calmly and honestly from a place of genuine understanding, you’ll be able to handle the challenge more smoothly.
What makes a relationship healthy?
Maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other. Make each other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled. Understand the difference between being loved and feeling loved.
Be OK about occasional conflict. You need to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
Keep this outside interests and relationships going. Expecting too much from your partner can put undue pressure on a relationship and we all need space. Meeting with family and friends allows us to take a break and can be a rush source of great dinner time gossip!
Commit to spending some quality time together on a regular basis. No matter how busy you are, take a few minutes each day to put aside your electronic devices, stop thinking about other things, and really focus on and connect with your partner.
Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.
Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on a day trip to a place you’ve never been before.
Focus on having fun together. Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges start getting in the way or old resentments start building up. Keeping a sense of humour can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily.
Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers home or unexpectedly booking a table at their favourite restaurant. Playing with pets or small children can also help you reconnect with your playful side.
How does hypnotherapy help relationships?
Hypnotherapy works from 2 different directions, firstly to look and see what has actually caused any relationships issues in the past, and then to give you the tools you need to be able to come to terms with bad relationship experiences in the past. This allows you to concentrate enjoying with in the moment and not living in the past or being worried about the future.
It’s important to find a therapist that respects your confidentiality, so that you feel comfortable telling them all about your issues. You might want to have some sessions together as a couple and others separately so that you can work on your own personal issues.
Remember, your exterior world is a reflection of who you are. To change your outer world, you have to change your inner world. That’s where hypnosis really comes in.
You can get more information about relationship counselling at Relate via this link: www.relate.org.uk, or to find out more about hypnosis and how it works, have a look here: https://thehypnosisclinic.com/what-is-hypnosis/
CASE STUDY – Relationships
Helen Williams came to The Hypnosis Clinic about a year ago, for some help with a difficult relationship.
“As this was my very first time to be in Hypnotherapy, I didn’t know really what to expect. All I can say now it was the best decision I’ve ever made regards on my healing process. Jonathan offers a very safe space to make you feel comfortable to open up and let yourself go deep into the process. I felt safe, relaxed and heard in the therapy but also everything what followed out of these sessions together was just eye opening. Thank you Jonathan!”
What did I learn here?
That relationships can be challenging; they need care and attention, effort and commitment to get right.
Sometimes people feel that they can never have the happy, successful relationship they want, however, loving and being loved is something we can all do, with a little practice.
If you’d like to find out more about how hypnosis can help you with relationships, have a look at our website, https://thehypnosisclinic.com. We offer a free initial consultation, either by a Telehealth video link or at our clinic right in the heart of London’s Regent Street.